eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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