guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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