We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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