I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
