if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
