I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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