He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
