His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
