Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
