So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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