You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
did i walk over a car last night?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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