Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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