I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
