guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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