she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
