We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
