swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
