I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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