I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
