you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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