im six kinds of drunk right now
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
