pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She told me I should be a condom model.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
