Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
