Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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