Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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