based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
