me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
