Barsexuality is the new black.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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