i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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