How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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