i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
