with your own penis?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
