if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
