saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
