ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
