Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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