I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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