I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My bed smells like the plague
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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