Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
