I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
