I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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