i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
