sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
