My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
