we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
