dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
