Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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