mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
