he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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