Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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