When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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