i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
