Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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