I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
