In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
