you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
